Wednesday, August 5, 2009


Stressosaurus [ stress-o-saurus ] – noun

An unusual female-only species belonging to genus Stresszillae.

Notable Characteristics
The stressosaurus originates in the Mitchell, Ontario area and inhabits various parts of Canada. It differs from others of the Stresszillae genus particularly by its curious predilection for migrating to habitats beginning with the letter “B” (e.g. Bracebridge, Barrie, Bowmanville, Baker Lake, etc) combined with a strong instinctive drive to occasionally return to its place of origin.

The stressosaurus has an uncommonly strong anxiety tolerance which contrasts interestingly with an uncontrollable weep reflex when in proximity to another weeping female member of the herd. This is a curious phenomenon as it is not firmly established what might initially trigger one female of the herd to begin weeping. (The pursuant chain reactive effect on the other hand is extremely reproducible and well documented.)

The stressosaurus will frequently seek and adopt a less sophisticated animal (typically of species canis lupus familiaris) into the family pack. Interestingly, this adopted member will often be afforded rank privileges typically reserved for other members of the pack, and is in fact often assigned status equal to or greater than that of the mate (e.g sleeping place, feeding priority, etc). This new de facto alpha member will consume large quantities of food resources and research continues to explain how the pack actually benefits from its presence.

The stressosaurus prefers chocolate and icecream during times of abundance, but will also combine peanut-butter with bananas when food resources are scarce. Note that the adopted member of the family will rarely suffer during lean years; it is common for the adoptee to feed with the stressosaurus while the mate fends for himself.

Hypothetical rendition of a stressosaurus reacting to Air Canada saying the adopted member of the pack cannot migrate with the family:

(illustration coming soon)

For more information, watch Godzilla or any other movie where a creature terrorizes some poor unsuspecting city.

~ he

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